My husband’s dementia had not only imprisoned him but had
the potential to wreak havoc on my writing. In the early stages of the disease,
the scope of his needs overwhelmed me. I took no time for myself, knowing that
caring for him was my calling.
But God had also called me to be a writer—to weave words
together that had the potential to encourage and inspire the hearts of my
readers. By voluntarily sacrificing my writing, I’d blasted a hole in my soul
that couldn’t be filled by anything else. The lesson I’d tried to teach my
children and grandchildren had been lost to me: when you are doing what God has
called you to, you are energized. Exhaustion occurs when you add or take away
from God’s program.
I reasoned that surely with all of my husband’s needs God
desired that I sacrifice everything to care for this kind man who had loved and
dedicated himself to me and our family for so many years. I was wrong on one
point. The only sacrifice God was
asking of me was to yield my life totally to Him and let Him decide
who or what I serve in His name. Yes, the bitter cup of caregiving was indeed
God’s calling, which I willingly accepted. However, He was not asking me to
give up my writing as I’d supposed. He knew that when I write, I release my
pain as well as encourage those caring for loved ones trapped in a place where
they must struggle to live in a world that doesn’t speak their language. A
world that isn’t safe to them. We are their lifeline and their reminder that
God loves them and still has meaning for their lives. We who are called to
serve these precious children of God are allowed to peek into their world and
see God. As we glimpse this vision, we write, and allow others a peak also. Not
to see darkness, but light—God’s light at work in a life that many see as
irrelevant.
Even though I am yielded to the call of God, there are times
when my heart bleeds with sadness and my tense muscles cause my body to ache
with what I call soul sickness. I forget that I was not meant to bear the
emotional pain of it all. It’s then that I get my husband settled with a book
or a puzzle and go into my prayer closet. The bathroom is the only closed door
my husband respects. So I go there and cry out to God and give back to Him the
burden that He has already taken on the cross. It is there that He reminds me
that I am not in control. He is. I can’t change things. He can. The end of the
book has already been written by Him. It will all be good. Now go, faithful
servant and love Agape—let Me love through you. Go infused by My strength. Go guided
by My Spirit. It works each time. Because God is faithful.
As I gathered my things and walked to my car, I didn’t
chastise myself because I didn’t achieve my word count. Instead of words for
the page, God had whispered reminders of His faithfulness. Armed with that, the
words would eventually come—just when I needed them.
For you writers who are also caregivers, I offer the
following reminders that I use to help me get through my day:
- Don’t let guilt rob you of the joy and energy your craft gives you. The Lord is faithful and will gift you with time. Just today a neighbor blessed me with several hours to write when he took my husband for a ride and lunch.
- Don’t get caught up in the drama of your day. Go to a quiet place and listen for God’s whisper. Then go, empowered by the Spirit of the Living God. And write.
- Strive or yield? What will it be? We who often think we need hold our world together are strivers, which is a counterfeit of yielding. Striving produces stress. Yielding gives peace.
- Journal. Journaling not only helps you reach your goal of writing each day, but by exposing your true feelings, you give God the opportunity to bring His perspective and truth.
Surrender. Relax. Live out your call. Then write with passion.
